I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
