Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
