You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
