your parents love me but you hate me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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