Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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