god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
