Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We just shotgunned beers for America
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
there is glitter all over my balls
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
