I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
