My nipple is on Facebook.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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