It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize