"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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