Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
