Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize