Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
