considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dick very happy bro
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
