Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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