It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
