you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
