I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
