She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Come see our sink grown plant.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
