I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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