I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
