This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
