He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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