I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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