Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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