We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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