I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
