i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Drunk is not a location!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
