Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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