now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
