i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
