I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
