So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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