LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
