You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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