Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
