okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
