weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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