I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
