It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
