Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
