she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
