Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
