i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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