I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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