how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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