Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
