Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
