I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
