he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
