Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
