peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am spending my child support on dildos
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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