im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
