im drinking this country out of the recession.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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