she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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