his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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