I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
