Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We are two peas in an std pod
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
