Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
