I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
