Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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