this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
