Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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